


selfish

by justiice



Category: Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: (nearly bitten by a zombie), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23777326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justiice/pseuds/justiice
Summary: [request from tumblr] nearly getting bitten by a zombie sounds like a really good reason to have an argument.
Relationships: Carlos Oliveira/Reader
Kudos: 51





	selfish

“How could you be this stupid?!”

“Yeah, yeah, you already asked that. It’s the fourth time now, stop repeating yourself.”

The sound of your arguing broke the silence in the underground the very moment you walked in. It wasn’t loud, but you had a feeling it was loud enough for people in the subway cars to hear it too. You wondered what they thought about such a situation - it didn’t take long to come with one, certainly a very right conclusion: they were very tired with the noise you two were making… and, honestly, so were you.

“Stop repeating myself? It’s not something I can stop talking about, not just like that! You nearly got yourself killed, Y/N!” You really wished Carlos would stop screaming right next to you - he made it so tempting to simply put your hands over your ears and ignore him.

At the same, you could see his hands gripping onto his gun harder than he should be, and yet, you said nothing to that. If he did that hard enough, maybe he would actually break it in half. And that would surely end “the discussion”.

In your shallow ignorance you tried to remember why Carlos was actually angry at you. Did you say something insulting? No, certainly not. Maybe you nearly shot him while aiming at a zombie? No, of course not. Your shooting skill was too sharp to make such a mistake.

What was it then?

Ah, you remembered, just in the same moment you heard a shout of your name.

You nearly got yourself killed, like Carlos said. Or maybe…?

The whole circumstance didn’t look that horrific. You two were supposed to leave the subway and clear the place around it from all undeads you could find. It sounded like a simple thing, but after a moment, you realized you could find a lot of supplies laying around too. Indeed, most of them were left next to zombies that, you were more than sure, were already taken care of.

Spotting the ammo for your gun, you swiftly moved to gather it. There was a zombie behind it, but that didn’t concern you much. Still, you decided to use your knife first to see if it wouldn’t try to “wake up” suddenly. Three slashes met with no response; it was safe to make your move.

Yet, when you crouched down to take what you wanted, the changed civilian grabbed onto your leg suddenly. His teeth became visible, ready to drown into your skin, but you were faster. With a sharp tug, you quickly stepped back and put as many bullets as you had left in its head. 

Then… actually, no. You didn’t, in fact, get yourself killed. You just nearly got yourself bitten by a zombie.

What you did was stupid, yes, but you couldn’t leave the supplies behind, especially now, during a freaking apocalypse. At the same, even when you nearly got yourself bitten, you knew you had the whole situation completely under control. You were not a civilian anyway - you knew how to use a gun and protect yourself. You knew to be always aware of your surroundings, ready to jump into the action or escape a dangerous situation.

Carlos was exaggerating things, to put it simply - that was what you thought.

Yet, that didn’t annoy you (perhaps from his perspective the whole situation looked… much worse) - the fact that he didn’t want to stop talking about it was what made you annoyed.

You could hear him still speaking about your stupid action, how dangerous it was and how fatal it could end. His voice was too loud, it made your head throb.

You just wanted for him to stop pointing out your mistakes. For him to finally shut up.

Suddenly, you turned your whole body towards Carlos’ direction, making him stop in his tracks, “Listen, I know how dangerous it was, but should I really leave the supplies behind just like that? We’re in the middle of the apocalypse and you cannot rely forever on Umbrella to provide us stuff!”

The anger was written clearly on your face and Carlos saw it. Yet, that didn’t stop him from responding, with his voice loud and annoyed as yours, “You think that’s a good reason to get yourself into danger? No, it’s not! And you don’t even think how other people would react to such stupid acts of bravery!”

“I do it, all the time! I think about the others - I want to save them! But how in the world can I do that if I don’t have anything to protect them with?!”

The grip on his weapon became harder and harder - obviously he was trying to not the anger control him. So far, you had to say, he was doing a very poor job.

You wanted to use the moment of sudden silence to speak what you still had in mind, hoping it would finally end the discussion. However, Carlos was faster than you.

“Alright then, Y/N, go! Go outside and get yourself killed while gathering unnecessary supplies to protect the civilians! Be as selfish as you want to be!”

You heard him, clearer than everything else. His words made your blood freeze.

_Enough was enough._

You wanted to say so many things, to explain yourself, to remind him you were a professional. However, you limited yourself with biting your lips, until they would bleed.

No words left you and, at the same time, you noticed a change in Carlos expression. It looked like… he regretted what he had said. You could see that in his next action as well, in how he suddenly stopped gripping onto his weapon and tried to approach you gently.

You wanted nothing of that. You just wanted to be alone. Far from him.

Remaining speechless, you firmly shook your head and turned around to walk further into the subway. Your tempo was fast, nearly resembling a run, but no matter how fast you were moving, you couldn’t escape Carlos and his calling for you to not go away, _not now_.

His earlier words, however, about your selfishness, about how you should just go out and get yourself killed, for real that time, were louder than your name on his lips.

Nobody asked a thing when you stepped into one of the subway cars. All of them seemed to act like they were very interested in something… something else than your and Carlos’ argument. Yet, you could still feel their curious stares on you. They probably thought that the fight was too serious to let your relationship survive.

To hell with them. They could think what they wanted and you wouldn’t give a damn.

The anger started to become weaker and weaker as you found an empty spot in the farthest part of the subway cart. You were alone and could finally gather your thoughts… to look at everything from Carlos’ perspective.

You knew he was… concerned about you. Maybe more than he should be.

Your relationship was still “fresh”, barely three months old. You were good friends first, sharing jokes during the hardest times or embraces during your “friendly dates”. 

But then, you both realized it wasn’t enough. You wanted to be together. To love each other, not just to like each other.

And God, you loved each other so much. That was more than certain. You always made sure to protect each other, to make sure the other would not end wounded. You were always… so protective of each other.

_Protective and afraid that something awful would happen._

You and Carlos felt the constant fear - no matter what, it was always there. Waiting, to wake up in the worst moments. It invaded your dreams, making you see the situations where your lover would die, again and again, and you couldn’t do anything to stop that.

You and Carlos never wanted for those dreams to turn into reality. You tried really hard to never let those dreams turn into reality.

But that was nearly what you did. You nearly got yourself killed - because you forgot about the nightmares.

You were selfish and you let yourself forget about them. Forget about Carlos and his own fear. You were selfish because you put yourself under civilians and above your boyfriend. Above his own fears and nightmares.

Tears were falling down your cheeks, but you failed to notice them. 

Until someone, with a gentle touch, wiped them away.

Carlos was suddenly sitting next to you, leaning forward to catch a look at you while not invading your personal space. He held a soft smile, the softest you had ever seen on him, with his own eyes holding tears.

For a long moment, you two didn’t say anything. You simply sat in silence, looking at each other, trying to understand what the hearts could not say. It was comfortable, peaceful… _loving._

Still without words, Carlos’ eyes fell on your hand. You could feel his hesitation as he moved his own hand towards yours, taking it gently. His fingers started to caress your skin slowly as his lips alternately fell open and became closed, again and again. It was obvious he was fighting with himself, looking for the right words to tell you. And you remained silent, waiting patiently for what he had to say.

Finally, Carlos took a long breath and looked into your eyes again, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I… shouldn’t have said all those things.” You knew it - you could see it in his expression. Yet, you still said nothing and he took that as a sign to continue, “I really shouldn’t have. And, of course, I didn’t mean those words - I don’t want you to go there, to risk your life like that. _I don’t want you to die.”_

You could see the tears in his eyes more clearly. They threatened to fall down his cheeks - they were actually falling down his cheeks, you realized. Yet, Carlos did nothing to wipe them away. He kept looking into your eyes, his voice so soft, so quiet, “I was scared. It was like my nightmare was so close to turn into reality. I saw you, getting bitten.” More tears started to fall down - they could be heard in his voice too, “I saw myself, killing you to not let you get transformed into **_it._** ”

A mere thought about it made you shudder; you knew Carlos noticed that. You knew he wanted to gather you into his arms to comfort you. To protect you from the nightmare that threatened to appear again.

And you let him do that.

The embrace was tight and yet no words of complaining left your lips. Instead, you hushed the man you loved, your hands resting on his back as his rested on your waist. Once again, you simply sat like that, in silence, comforting each other.

“That will never happen and you know it.” The words left your lips, softly, barely there, and they made Carlos embrace you even harder, “The nightmares we have will never turn into reality.”

You knew that he didn’t believe you, not completely. That it wouldn’t stop the tears from leaving your and his eyes. That you probably just wanted to comfort yourself and him, hoping it would keep the fear away.

But it was pointless, so, after a long moment, you let yourself capture his cheeks in your hands.

“I just need to remember the man who cares about me, who loves me, who wants for me to be safe. The man who I need to place above me as well.” And when his eyes found yours again, you smiled widely and added: “ _I’ll continue to be selfish, but I will not let his nightmares turn into reality_.”


End file.
